Bismillah

      
      Bismillah

            My personal studies on Islam. Questions, reflections and discoveries

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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

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Battle of Fallujah

During these deeply troubled times of anger, injustice, with devastation and lack of understanding between nations and faiths, where incredibly it seems that the souls can't see each other, I came to become muslim. El-Hamdullillah. I embraced this Book that I craddle like my own child and felt that I was going to become muslim when a big part of the world would hate and despise Islam. Maybe this choice means right now my personal yihad. If it's so, I live it with all my veins, heart, soul, mind and body. I am happy at last, knowing, feeling and perceiving the Truth. I have cried too much for the sake of those who try to kill the real mission of Islam, be them arabs or not. But I must think of the people who have died, the children and the eldest. Of any faith and no faith, I only can pray in silence, I would like to be in Iraq, and not here, would love to be in Mekka, and not here. But Allah knows why this happens, why that doesn't. Shukran ya rabbina. Islam is what is left for us in this chaotic world. Ramadan moubarak.

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Commandments

Continuing with my notebook, I found something I wrote:

COMMANDMENTS.

"No injustice,
cheating,
or deception
are to be done to others."

ALLAH COMMANDMENTS

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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

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Looking back

Some of the writings while I was in Egypt and listening to my heart.

" When I am alone I feel I am very protected. I feel His presence around me; I know that I dream what He wanted me to dream, and live what He prepared me to live. In many ways I was living a sort of initiation which would lead me to this moment.
Many things are uncertain now but I enjoy and love to discover day by day what God prepared for my life. I always love and accept what happens in my life. Mainly because when I suffer I become stronger and happier when I smile."

I had not yet adopted any muslim name. I had not yet become muslim.

My writings continue:

" In the middle of my path I am walking blind."
But I know I am walking the right one." 10.02.2002


Siento a Dios muy fuerte dentro y fuera de mi; quisiera que este sentimiento me haga feliz y me devuelva la paz. Que el orden se reestablezca en mi mundo.; que haya armonia y ningun exceso.
Me entrego a Ti y solo a Ti en primer lugar. Te pido me des juicio y buenas acciones. que las buenas acciones hagan que la gente me vea tal como soy. Dame refugio en Ti y protegeme de todo mal. Amen.

Then I wrote Allah in arabic sixteen times in sinuous designs, very beautiful.

"PROSECUTORS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE"
Excerpt from a book I was reading:

"There are people who lead virtuous lives, struggle, honesty sacrify themselves and pass away without being rewarded. They may not be recognized or known by people and are denied due thanks and gratitude. They might also die before receiving the fruits of their labour.
There are also people who call for what is right and hold fast to it, defend it and in consequence are persecuted by tyrants and unjust people who torture, exile and even kill them in the process."

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Monday, November 08, 2004

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اَللّـهُمَّ اجْعَلْ سَعْيي فيهِ مَشْكُوراً، وَذَنْبي فيهِ مَغْفُوراً وَعَمَلي فيهِ مَقْبُولاً، وَعَيْبي فيهِ مَسْتُوراً، يا اَسْمَعَ السّامِعينَ

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Wish I could know

I don't know why I am crying all day today. It's just that I can't stop crying. I would like to know. I read today that it's laylat el qadr but everything is going very bad at home. Why today that I thought would be a very important day everything is turning on so difficult?? I will maybe never have an answer for this. Allah knows everything.

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Thursday, November 04, 2004

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It's five thirty in the morning, so I guess I can only whisper this message and hope you will understand

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Hadith I

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

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Mena

Today I have received an email from my friend Mena, from Alex. He and his brother Bassem were very close friends to me while I was living In Egypt. Especially Mena whom I consider the best person I ever met during my one year and half there. The thing is, I have many friends there, muslims, christians... and I enjoyed a lot our friendship. Mena every night made sure I got at my appartment (oh that appartment that smelled always humidity! and the ceiling was falling down every time there was a rainstorm! And yes even the water filtrating fell down my face while I was sleeping... waking me up!) Anyway Mena was my special friend with whom I shared many of my thoughts regarding certain people who were at that time (some still are) living someway in my heart. I used to go have "dinner" consisting in "Koshayry" at 3 in the night! And went have breakfast at 6... also koshayry! LOL I loved it so much. And the tramway passed near our table and the people and children started walking here and there.... while we were thinking that it was time to go to sleep :)! And Mena had a girlfriend called like me and he didn't want to marry her... I wonder what happened. I wait for his re-reply now. His brother had a very funny car, a red volkswagen and he always laughed when I entered inside because it was real weird the way it looked inside. Everything would fall down when he was driving. Even the cassettes from inside the stereo!! And we joked about the people who crossed the street without watching the lights. Typical egyptian, by the way. "Kill them!" I used to say laughing. And we laughed a lot when they were in the middle of our way. Then the rain started to fall, and the thing is: in Alexandria the rain is not only meteorological but sentimental, devotional, what else can I say. The raindrops falling against the windows and we singing inside the car, going somewhere, just drive, let's go anywhere. Let's enjoy the rain!

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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

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Notes

I have started several times arabic language. but never reached the level I needed, it was always that something happened, be it I had to leave that area of Alex or maybe I had to leave Kuwait and so and so. Therefore I studied at home and different kinds of teachings: Iraki, Egyptian, Classic arabic... and of course the last one always thanks to the Qur'an. So I had to practice with my friends in the middle east. Each day it was better and eventually I was able to make myself be understood. But I need to go deeper and not just learn. Because one day I want to get the diploma spanish -arabic. Maybe at the University of Alicante or la Complutense de Madrid. Anyhow... this is now.... and I am happy to have found a place where I can learn from scratch and then follow up until I feel I am really learning something. It was by chance that I met this group and the truth, I don't regret it. They go slowly but very sure about what they are doing. Curso de Lengua Arabeis the name of this group. also I have signed for another group. YOu know, I am not someone who likes "groups" or belonging to "groups" etc. I prefer to learn freely and tht's why I signed up for this GROUP, cause now it's Ramadan and I need help from the Imams and people who know what they do. I like especially the "suplicas" during the night, every day there is one. I am going to read it tonight. Also, this is very important , I had to think about when I am going to memorize something from the qur'an. It's always the same suras that I say and this is not being correct, I have to develp my memory and pursue my path. So I chose the first hadith and also the sura ya sin, although it's difficult. I want to memorize as much as i can. but the most important is to feel it rather than memorizing it. When I feel what I do, the cold-hot-cold-hot feelings after a sound or a word read or anything related with the sacred book... I feel I am alive and thankfu,l forever thankful

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Tanger

Yesterday two people that my brother met (I don't know how and where) told him that they were from Tanger and that they were fasting. My brother told them then that I am muslim and according to my brother they made a big face of surprise. They just didn't believe a woman from spain could convert (I wonder why) and instantly they started asking him questions about me: do I drink alcohol? , do I go to parties and discos? My God.... is this the only thing they can ask about??? They ask things as if I am already in the middle of a Haram, like hey, if you are muslim you cant drink or go dancing. But look, I haven't changed and I am not an alcohol drinker, nor I was before, I also don't go to discos now because I don't like it. What would you do if you were not muslim? this is my question. Or simply: do you restrict yourself from drinking because and only because you are muslim? if you werent you would spend the afternoons at the coffee playing dominoes and drinking until night?? Would you spend your weekends at the disco, maybe trying some maria? What happens then when all you say that is haram is not to me just because I don't practice it? And why you didn't ask how I feel being muslim? instead it's like you are starting to say this is sin, this is sin... and I am soooo sorry... Islam is not this at all. And this is why I embraced Islam. And people that speak this way are the people who make westerners give up regarding all of us. Why? Because there is a lot of words known by heart and little real culture, because people can't think straight when they are still wearing the reminiscences of their own mistakes that they mixed with Islam, Yes, just to continue with the same mistakes. Never Islam said many of the things you say. And never Islam wanted to be a long series of Orders. This, is for people like you, who can't be strong enough. This is why, my dear, Islam varies from country to country. And this is why you don't understand the meaning of no drink alcohol or no go to discos. It means: don't let evil enter in your heart through your body, don't even let it happen. Most of people can't stop it. Don't go to places that can be of negative influence for you. So... in Kuwait I went with my friends to a disco and it was WONDERFUL and we had a good time. In Alex as well (I even danced flamenco) But why? Do you know yourself? Do you know your limits? Do you have to put limits to yourself? When you know yourself, God trusts you more as well. I know how I am and what I am not going to do, just because I don't like it and never because someone says so. This is why Islam is so free to me, I don't have to make any effort to stop negative things happen to me, weakness etc. It is the same in everywhere, the most puritan country is as well the most avid of perverted things, the most extreme in the so called weakness. Some people are born muslims but others become muslims. And some are muslims without even knowing that they are.

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Sunday, October 31, 2004

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Another Day

salamu aleikum

I have had a visit to the dentist today and had to break my fasting. I think it had to be this way I guess. I feel a bit disappointed about it. But it's going to be allright insha'allah. Then at the supermarket I met a Witness of Jehova. Perhpas that woman could not speak with people about her faith cause she spent more than an hour speaking very quickly and I told her I am muslim and told her some of the feelings I have regarding Islam and I also listened to her (a lot:)) but I am happy cause she had someone to listen to her and she also listened to me and el hamdullillah she heared some of the truths that she didn't know. as a lot of the things that make westerners see Islam is because of how the societies from other arab and far eastern countries have this secular tendancy to use Islam as an excuse for their secular mistakes and the submission of a woman which, of course, many societies use Islam as excuse I say it again. So I let some veils fall down and she listened. But of course, I don't like proselitism, and dont try to convince anybody. Just say, look, observe and try to understand. Ramadan Kareem


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Preceptos en Ramadan

Leer la sura Al-Qdr en el momento del Iftar
Leer la sura ha mim ad-dujjan 100 veces por la noche
Decir siempre al-salawwat (las bendidiones del Profeta), astagfirul-lah (pido perdon a Dios) y illaha illa allah (no hay mas dios que Dios)


Despues de cada oracion decir


اَللّـهُمَّ اَدْخِلْ عَلى اَهْلِ الْقُبُورِ السُّرُورَ اَللّـهُمَّ اَغْنِ كُلَّ فَقير، اَللّـهُمَّ اَشْبِعْ كُلَّ جائِع، اَللّـهُمَّ اكْسُ كُلَّ عُرْيان، اَللّـهُمَّ اقْضِ دَيْنَ كُلِّ مَدين، اَللّـهُمَّ فَرِّجْ عَنْ كُلِّ مَكْرُوب، اَللّـهُمَّ رُدَّ كُلَّ غَريب، اَللّـهُمَّ فُكَّ كُلَّ اَسير، اَللّـهُمَّ اَصْلِحْ كُلَّ فاسِد مِنْ اُمُورِ الْمُسْلِمينَ، اَللّـهُمَّ اشْفِ كُلَّ مَريض، اللّهُمَّ سُدَّ فَقْرَنا بِغِناكَ، اَللّـهُمَّ غَيِّر سُوءَ حالِنا بِحُسْنِ حالِكَ، اَللّـهُمَّ اقْضِ عَنَّا الدَّيْنَ وَاَغْنِنا مِنَ الْفَقْرِ، اِنَّكَ عَلى كُلِّ شَيء قَديرٌ .


Al·lahumma adjil ‘ala ahlil qubûris surûr · al·lahumma agni kul·la faqîrin · al·lahumma ashbi‘ kul·la ÿâ’i‘in · al·lahumma aksu kul·la ‘uriânin · al·lahumma-qdi daina kul·li madinin · al·lahumma farriÿ ‘an kul·li makrûbin · al·lahumma rudda kul·la garîbin · al·lahumma fukka kul·la asîrin · al·lahumma aslih kul·la fâsidin min umûril muslimîn · al·lahumma-shfi kul·la marîdin · al·lahumma sudda faqranâ biginâka · al·lahumma gaiir sû’a hâlinâ bihusni hâlika · al·lahumma-qdi ‘anna-d-daina ua agnina mina-l-faqri · innaka ‘ala kul·li shai’in qadîr.


¡Oh Dios! ¡Otorga alegría a los habitantes de las tumbas! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Enriquece a todo pobre! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Sacia a todo hambriento! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Viste a todos los desnudos! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Salda la deuda de todo deudor! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Consuela a todos los entristecidos! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Retorna a todo extraviado (a su patria)! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Libera a todo prisionero! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Soluciona todos los problemas de los musulmanes! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Da curación a todos los enfermos! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Pon fin a nuestra pobreza en Tu opulencia! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Cambia nuestro mal estado en Tu buen estado! ¡Oh Dios! ¡Paga nuestras deudas y sálvanos de la pobreza! ¡Ciertamente Tú eres, sobre todas las cosas, Omnipotente!




يا عَلِيُّ يا عَظيمُ، يا غَفُورُ يا رَحيمُ، اَنْتَ الرَّبُّ الْعَظيمُ الَّذي لَيْسَ كَمِثْلِهِ شَيءٌ وَهُوَ السَّميعُ الْبَصيرُ، وَهذا شَهْرٌ عَظَّمْتَهُ وَكَرَّمْتَهْ، وَشَرَّفْتَهُ وَفَضَّلْتَهُ عَلَى الشُّهُورِ، وَهُوَ الشَّهْرُ الَّذي فَرَضْتَ صِيامَهُ عَلَيَّ، وَهُوَ شَهْرُ رَمَضانَ، الَّذي اَنْزَلْتَ فيهِ الْقُرْآنَ، هُدىً لِلنّاسِ وَبَيِّنات مِنَ الْهُدى وَالْفُرْقانَ، وَجَعَلْتَ فيهِ لَيْلَةَ الْقَدْرِ، وَجَعَلْتَها خَيْراً مِنْ اَلْفِ شَهْر، فَيا ذَا الْمَنِّ وَلا يُمَنُّ عَلَيْكَ، مُنَّ عَلَيَّ بِفَكاكِ رَقَبَتي مِنَ النّارِ فيمَنْ تَمُنُّ عَلَيْهِ، وَاَدْخِلْنِى الْجَنَّةَ بِرَحْمَتِكَ يا اَرْحَمَ الرّاحِمينَ .


Iâ ‘alîiu iâ ‘adzîm · iâ gafûru iâ rahîm · anta rabbu-l ‘adzîm · al·ladhî laisa kamizlihi shai’ · ua hua-s-samî‘ul basîr · ua hâdha shahrun ‘adzdzamtahu ua karramtahu ua sharraftahu ua faddaltahu ‘alash-shuhûr · ua huash-shahrul ladhî faradta siâmahu ‘alaii · Ua hua shahru ramadâna-l-ladhî anzalta fîhi-l-qur’ân · hudan lin-nâsi ua baiinâtin mina-l-hudâ ua-l-furqân · ua ÿa‘alta fîhi lailata-l-qadr · ua ÿa‘altahâ jairan min alfi shahr · Faiâ dhal manni ua la iumannu ‘alaika munna ‘alaiia bifakâki raqabatî mina-n-nâr · fîman tamunnu ‘alaihi ua adjilni-l-ÿannah · birahmatika iâ arhamar râhimîn.


¡Oh Altísimo! ¡Oh Ingente! ¡Oh Perdonador! ¡Oh Misericordiosísimo! ¡Tú eres el Señor Majestuoso, el que no tiene nada semejante! ¡Él es el Oyentísimo, Videntísimo! Este es un mes que engrandeciste, honraste, ennobleciste y preferiste a otros meses. Este es un mes que me preceptuaste ayunar. Este es el mes de Ramadán en el que revelaste el Corán, como Guía para la humanidad y las evidencias de la Guía y el discernimiento. Estableciste en él la Noche del Decreto y estableciste que esa noche sea mejor que mil meses. ¡Poseedor de los Dones, al que nadie puede dotar de nada! ¡Dóname mi liberación del Fuego, entre aquellos que liberas! ¡Introdúceme en el Paraíso, por Tu Misericordia, el más Misericordioso de los Misericordiosísimos!


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Feelings

It makes us face our problems and stand up if we fall. I see it through the way I pray, it's clear, when it makes us put on the ground and then makes us stand up. it has psychologically a very important benefit when we have to face problems in our lives. if we fall, we must stand up. but how? and how easy when we do this all the time through our prayer? it's simple then to face problems. we are used not to look up and ask for help but to look down and feel what it is to bite the dust. Subhana Allah



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Night

Salamu aleikom,



I have been working on translations all night long. Now it's 6:03 am. Well, I had to because I prefer to stay awake now during Ramadan and so I don't have to miss the night and all the time it gives to me to study, meditate and feel. So I had to do some work english-spanish and the truth is , I love doing this at night. Then little by little I get ready to the first prayer and before this I eat a little something. This year I don't feel hungry at all. I was just thinking today that perhaps I could spend another day fasting without interruption. Now it's so calm here. I have to hear some Hadith but first I wanted to post this. It's the only place right now I find to write about what I do and how it makes me feel. Those are the moments I love most if not the most, when dawn is almost here. Well, I wanted to upload a MT blog to my own server but even though I payed for perl service, it says my license doesn't have perl permissions (??) anyway. Time for me to listen and read the hadith and then pray. Next Youm Al-Guma' I will have to break my fasting cause I am going to the dentist and he will most probably shoot me with novocaine. So ... this is so sad. First the woman condition didn't allow me the first week. And now this...

Es-sabr gameel....


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Dawn

Just after having finished my prayer at Fajr I feel that my heart doesn't make any beating sound perceptible to my senses. Normally I feel it when it beats and just right now, well since yesterday, it feels so good, like nothing is bothering me. I hear the birds singing and it's just so good to hear that. And also it's something I felt yesterday about myself while I was praying. I felt that my body was getting separated or apart from my inner self. I was almot looking at my face from my left side. That was something strange , odd, that happened yesterday. And also I could feel like I was a kind of doll that only moved the jaw, but there was no full stomach, no food, no liquids and just that person praying aloud, it was strange what I felt. Well I think I am going to post the birds play. Yes... And you will hear cars and birds. It's so cold outside right now. So beautiful. as well. Well bye bye for now. People are waking up and starting making up those noises...



Salam,



Maryam

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Dawn

Just after having finished my prayer at Fajr I feel that my heart doesn't make any beating sound perceptible to my senses. Normally I feel it when it beats and just right now, well since yesterday, it feels so good, like nothing is bothering me. I hear the birds singing and it's just so good to hear that. And also it's something I felt yesterday about myself while I was praying. I felt that my body was getting separated or apart from my inner self. I was almot looking at my face from my left side. That was something strange , odd, that happened yesterday. And also I could feel like I was a kind of doll that only moved the jaw, but there was no full stomach, no food, no liquids and just that person praying aloud, it was strange what I felt. Well I think I am going to post the birds play. Yes... And you will hear cars and birds. It's so cold outside right now. So beautiful. as well. Well bye bye for now. People are waking up and starting making up those noises...



Salam,



Maryam

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After Maghreb

Ok, it's been a new day at RAmadan and this is how I feel right now.



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The Intention

I have been listening many times the first Hadith from the fourteen hadith imam Nawawi. It's a slow recitation that I would like to learn by heart before the end of Ramadan. I would like to learn two hadith at least and ... well it's very difficult. But it's such a beautiful language! In Spain we say Ee-bra-heem with the "b" very short but the recitation says Ee-BBr and it changes everything. I mean with this: having the transliteration is not accurate, I have to listen to someone read the lines to understand that there are differences, that the roman alphabet cannot transliterate (english fonetics / french phonetics) the arab words with accuracy. Therefore this is why I wanted to start learning arabic. Right now I am able to write it and read it (with the accents, if not I am almost lost) And then there are these ressources on internet, so helpful, I don't know how to say that right now we are so fortunate because there is no distance now to find the helpful ressources to keep me going on and learning more. Definitely arabic and french are my preferred languages. But arabic is special in many ways. Still I will have to move on and find more ressources. I would like to find a website where the hadith is recited and there is as well the text (with accents) on the same page. Maybe I am asking things that are already on the net. I just am not aware of them. Its raining here. 4:13 am. Peace.


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Hadith i need in arabic

I have a web ressource on the net for Hadith. But the truth is, I like reading them in arabic and then read them in english. I would like to know if there is a website where I can hear the hadiths in arabic but with a little english guidelines so I don´t get lost with titles and authors-?? any help.... thanks in advance.


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Ramadan Moubarak

Salamu aleykom,

Just wanted to say hello and wish a very Happy Ramadan for everyone. May this blog be also a good way to make friends all over the world.



Peace be with you.



Maryam




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Salamu Aleikum

this is my first post, and I am not too sure what it is about. but ok, i will post here what i need to in order to get all the things well done. Ramadan Moubarak.
Salam...
Maryam

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  Battle of Fallujah

  Commandments

  Looking back

  اَللّـهُمَّ اجْعَلْ سَعْيي فيهِ مَشْكُوراً، وَذَنْ...

  Wish I could know

  It's five thirty in the morning, so I guess I can ...

  Hadith I

  Mena

  Notes

  Tanger

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Monday, November 08, 2004

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

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©2004-2005 mARYAM CARMEN NOOR HAYYAM

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